Conversation with The Kraken: Rebel Without A Colon
Scene: It’s eight in the morning, George is reading over the latest bit of her work in progress that The Kraken has given her feedback on.
George: (Screaming from the most primal depths of the deep) AAAAGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH
The Kraken: (Looks up from his book, expression mild) What?
George: You put TWO Question marks in a row in a comment in my manuscript. We talked about this! When you query something, just use ONE question mark. TWO implies that you think what I’ve done is sheer lunacy that requires intensive therapy and medication! And all you were doing was questioning an obvious typo. In a first draft, which Word had already identified with a big red line under it.
The Kraken: (Lounging back on the couch like Jeff Goldblum from Jurassic Park) Maybe I’m a two question mark kind of guy. Maybe you’re oppressing my natural flow. Don’t oppress my natural flow.
George: (Pacing the room) And don’t even start me on your exclamation marks in the comments! One is fine, two is very excited, FIVE to indicate that I’d repeated a word IN A FIRST DRAFT is so unacceptable that any firing squad in the WORLD would gladly shoot you for free.
The Kraken: (With a definite smirk) Have you had any caffeine this morning? You haven’t, have you?
George: (Breathing fire.) That’s not the point! Not when I’m talking about crimes against punctuation.
The Kraken: So if I said I was going to make you a cup of tea, you’d turn it down?
George: I don’t accept bribes. This is serious.
The Kraken: And if I brought you some Cadbury Mini eggs to go with your tea? The last of the Mini Eggs, that I’ve been saving… chocolate for breakfast would be nice, right?
George: Okay, you’re forgiven. But don’t do it again.
The Kraken: (Sauntering off to the kitchen.) Who knows what I’ll do in the future? I’m a rebel without a colon.